I will be the first to finally enter the long-awaited Toukousphere!!
So this is the Toukousphere...... truly it is a dreamland.
Oh, I can't let myself be too carried away by it.
First I have to represent the other 3 characters and meet the previous main characters.
Heya, nice to meet ya, little girl.
My name's Bourd, and I'm the main character of Ar tonelico 1.
I'm the son of the head of a city called Platina. I'm a knight, and I'm a little pretentious, but I'm also super rich, and I've brought peace to the world by using money to solve all of our problems.
Yo, I'm Ar tonelico 2's main character, Targana!!
I'm a hot-blooded man who was born into the royal family, but my status dropped, so I staged a coup d'etat in revenge so I could affect regime change and use money to create a world full of freedom, but once I realized reality kinda sucked and we could all just live a nice, peaceful life in the Binary Field without any problems, I tried to say good-bye to the real world, but fortunately my masochistic troops thought that living out their lives in pain in the real world would be more just, so that plan bombed!!
I-I can't believe these horrible main characters!!
And, look, Targana, your introduction was too long!!
Besides, I've beaten all of the games in the Ar tonelico series, so I know you're all not really the main characters!!
Aren't Lyner and Croix going to come out? Where are Aurica and Luca!?
If you want to meet Lyner and Croix, you'll have to beat the Toukousphere, too.
After all, they're the main characters.
And Aurica and Luca are the leading ladies, right?
They wouldn't stoop to show their faces to a newcomer so quickly. Are you trying to diss them?
Well, that's because you're human, right?
I, on the other hand, am not human, so what's food for me is completely different.
Herbivores can only eat plants, but you eat both plants and meat, right?
See, I'm different from you, too, so there wouldn't be any problem with me eating this young boy.
The AT3 characters are finally here!
The one I'm worried about, though, is Akane, the secret tsundere(?).
Will she become free (dark) like Aurica, or wither like Croix?
Well, I guess either way she'll be "kuro" *g*
I've heard I might act quite differently from in the game due to the unusual atmosphere of the Toukousphere.
However, as the commanding officer of Clustania, I've undergone a fair amount of personality training.
So, no matter what happens, I'm sure I won't lose myself, and my personality won't break down.
Hey, old man, look at that!!
It's the newbie, Akane!!
Ooohh, it's Aki, the Pumpkin Panties Commander!!
You may not believe it, but I'm pretty weak against pumpkin panties.
Well, how 'bout it? Why not leave Clustania behind and come to Platina?
If you want me to, I'll destroy Clustania and make you come here by force.
Wh-where did this perverted father-son duo come from!?
And, I'm not wearing pumpkin panties!!
I-I can understand how the appearance might be similar, but I won't allow you to call these pumpkin panties!!
So... that means they're drawers!?
A commander with her drawers out for everyone to see!?
Man, I can't take it anymore, old man, I'm gonna quit being a Knight of Elemia and become one of General Akane's subordinates!!
This is a billion times more moe than that stupid Linkage!!
Yeaaahh, drawers, pumpkin pants, whatever!!
Aki, why don't you let me have a nice squeeze around the fluffy butt part on those pumpkin panties or drawers or whatever?
I just love that feeling when you're closing in the space between the cloth and the skin, and you finally reach flesh!!
Well, c'mon, how 'bout it, huh!?
Geez, you stupid pervs, don't get any closer to Aki!!
Hey, Aki, you'd really better keep an eye out, just for today.
Ahh... Lady Aurica, the warmth of your kindness is refreshing.
Why is there a cushion with all sorts of insults written all over it!?
I'm supposed to smother the person I want to abuse me with my butt!?
I wanna be stepped on!!
I wanna be stepped on while you insult me!!
Yeah, he's right on!!
GUST shouldn't sell an abuse cushion, they should sell an abuse kicking machine!!
With just the press of a switch, you would endure a flurry of kicks while Lady Harve unleashed a hurricane of insults!!
Obviously they've gotta make it realistic and model Lady Harve's feet for it.
Wh-what the hell are you saying, you goddamn shitmonkeys!?
......oh, I see, you're all masochists, aren't you?
So you want to be kicked by me, huh? Okay, fine, I'll have them make the kick machine you want so much, even if I have to threaten the higher-ups at GUST and Bandai Namco Games......
Obviously they've gotta make you lick her feet as a reward for enduring her kicks, right?
Oh, good thinking, Legris!!
They'd better make it with a bunch of different foot types, then.
One with her toes pointed up, one with them pointed straight out, one with them curled up, and one with her wanting to escape the ticklishness of having her feet licked, but doing her best to bear with it since a giver like her would never run away from anything!!
We need a Lady Harve dakimakura!!
Wonderful, wonderful dakimakura that say
"You shitty human!! Your stench is going to infect me, so go sleep on the floor!!" when you hug it!!
Ohoho, I'd better go practice sleeping on the floor with a newspaper for a pillow...
All you readers of today's Toukousphere out there, go ask your dad about it tonight.
"Hey, dad, where did you hide your porn when you were young?"
He'll probably get all embarrassed, but he'll whisper all about it to you.
Oh, but you can't ask him in front of your mom.
She'll get jealous, and she might get in a fight with him.
You might try looking for any dictionaries or notebooks they used when they were in school.
It's best to hide it in some commonly-used old scraps.
Who knows? Maybe part of youth is finding your parents' favorite... and helping bring back some of those childhood memories.
Well, whatever, if Lady Harve would smack me up, I'd definitely be willing to say something risque, something so dangerous it might even lead to the fall of GUST and Bandai Namco Games... what do you say, Lady Shitframe!?
Don't say it!!
Please, just shut up!!
And stop calling me Shitframe!!
Geez, if you're going to insist I can't turn you down.
After all, I AM the Breast Sommelier.
First of all, people who think breasts are all about size are the worst. I don't even want to talk to people like that.
Next, people who think breasts are all about shape are also the worst. I don't even want to look at people like that.
The one absolute condition for becoming a breast sommelier is to be able to love all sorts of breasts.
A wine sommelier choosing their wine wouldn't refuse to drink a red or a white wine, would they?
Similarly, I'm overflowing with a love for all breasts.
Huh, isn't that the same as saying a girl's breasts don't matter?
...Hey, don't interrupt my passionate breasts speech, do you want me to Maximum Penetrate you?
Of course I'm going to continue, and when I'm done I'm going to Maximum Penetrate you, so you'd better get ready.
...anyway, back to breasts.
The thing I look out for the most is whether the breast's special attributes is being properly emphasized or not.
Seeing a breast with its special qualities being brought out makes me feel at ease, awash in a gentle feeling.
For example, I think Lady Cloche's breasts are outright fabulous.
She wears clothing that exposes those bountiful valleys to the casual eye of an observer just because she has such enormous breasts, don't you think?
But, they're so amazing, which makes those pajamas she wears when we talk at night totally outrageous!!
When I think that she even wears the kind of pajamas that emphasize her big breasts, I can't help but mumble, "Long live Lady Cloche!" every time I go to see her at night.
I really love Lady Cloche's breasts and the way she finds a way to emphasize them in every situation! I just want to hug them!!
Now, let's talk about Luca's breasts.
Luca's breasts are amazing when viewed in profile!!
Everyone always says they're so small, but you can really understand their true size when viewed from the side.
Plus, in Luca's case, the spectacle of her breasts from the side is truly beautiful, especially in the clothes she normally wears.
All of you out there with the Ar tonelico 2 setting book, turn to page 15 right now and see for yourself, it's so sexy it'll make your nose bleed!!
Ah, those clothes that make you feel like it's perfectly okay to gaze upon the beauty of her breasts from the side, and the fact that you'll never really understand their value until you've done so, yes, Luca's breasts are precious mounds indeed!!
Now, about Jakuri's breasts...... they reveal their true power when she's wearing something like the OBOT. It wouldn't be wrong to call them weapons of mass destruction!!
Instead of something like Lady Cloche's valleys, we're rewarded with...... a gap.
When she slouches forward...... oho, well, you don't even need me to say it to understand, right?
This even happens in the main game, it's the "flash" that happens in the Cosmosphere.
Jakuri saying "flash" while slouching forward...... ah, was that love that I felt in that instant?
Well, I think I'd like to talk about Saki and Finnel next......
Cro, please stop!!
You're the one that's gonna regret all this in tomorrow's Toukousphere, you know!?
Hm, let's see...... If they'd gone with one of the older designs for you that was kind of like this weird old lady Munmun that lives near me, I wouldn't have been able to leave you alone as a breast somelier.
Okay... so my next post's a double.
Staff, seriously, make sure you don't kill yourselves.
Okay, here's my bit.
"Why are there so many DFC Origins and Betas?"
Huh? How many times is that, did you say?
I'll send it however many times I have to.
While I was waiting for an answer, I finished Finnel's Normal End!!
Allow me, the Breast Sommelier, to respond.
Wouldn't it be awful if they had huge breasts?
Let's say the Origins had big breasts.
Do you think those enormous mounds would look the same after 700 years?
Time and gravity would cause them to sag little by little over the years, and in the end......
Well, I'm sure the people who made the Origins were thinking about that sort of thing.
...I can accept that.
Oh, yeah, wow, me too.
Honestly, I can't imagine why you didn't get something so simple earlier.
Please, don't look at me like you won something while you're saying things like these...
Ha! Ha! Ha! I didn't think someone would ask for me by name.
Oho, look at this, it's the first appearance of the characters from 3, isn't it?
Nice to meet you, everyone, my name is Soupe.
Because I lived my life as a pillow for the main heroines, which caused the scent of girls to permeate throughout my entire body, boys of a certain age might start spacing out around me, so be careful, please.
Uh, his manner sounds like that of a gentleman, but his words sound like those of a pervert...
I said my wings and body are chock full of the scent of girls, didn't I?
Yes, I'm fairly oozing with pheromones that enchant young boys, so... would you like to give me a hug?
I'm sure the inside of Soma's costume smells quite similar.
I'm so glad you two are so nice.
I heard you both were the demon queen duo of the Toukousphere, so I was kinda scared.
But, now that I've met you, you're really nice. Thank goodness!
I hope we'll get along from now on!!
So you won't come greet your seniors as heroines because we're not mentioned by name? That's absolute proof you're looking down on us.
Well, you're the type that likes being teased, anyway, aren't you?
Then, the nicer Aurica and Luca are to you, the more we'll tease you.
We'll tease you until the stress pierces that little chest of yours!!
Waaaaaah, being teased that much couldn't possibly make me happy!!
"No" is just another way of saying she likes it!!
Oh man, great one, pops!!
Not so great, I think.
How would you like a bunny festival, Lady Shurelia?
But, it's long been common sense that people, as living creatures, can only live thanks to the sacrifices of other living creatures.
I can understand why you feel sorry for the rabbit, Finnel, but making it into such a delicious stew is like our way of saying thanks.
Please, eat up, and don't leave any behind.
...I know you're right, Tyria.
But, still, it just feels so...
Oh, it looks like we're almost out of stew.
I'd better go out back and "kyuu kyuu" us up some more.
Please, that's enough, I'm already full, so don't "kyuu kyuu" any more!!
I've been wondering this for a while, but is Targana in love with Croix? (Mione)
As the weeks go by, it's harder to live with my love for Akane and Lady Shitframe.
I can't imagine returning to my student life in April.
Hey, why don't Akane and Lady Shitframe really exist?
Why wasn't I born in Ar Ciel?
Is reality stupid? Am I gonna die?
You weren't born in Ar Ciel because Lady Harve is blessing you by playing hard to get!!
It's because she's had you in the palm of her hand since the day you were born!!
And, of course, she'll keep playing hard to get forever.
Mmfff...... I'm so jealous it makes me shiver!!
Oh, by the way, where did Lady Harve go?
She said she was going back to Clustania before her head turned all funny.
She probably won't come out again today.
Oh, that's neglect play!!
Ohh, Lady Harve's kindness brings tears to my eyes......
......Aoto, why are these people so happy about this?
I don't understand at all.
That's okay, Saki, you don't have to.
Actually, I mean, please don't try, or even think about it anymore, please!!
Croix's a main character, but he's also such a huge siscon he went into a rage and attacked anyone who was going to take Cocona away when she had her IPD outbreak.
Even on April First, he'd probably have about the same reaction, right?
Did you all enjoy this Toukousphere? I just acted as always, but looks like everyone else got too much into this, so I wouldn't be surprised at all if you got all shocked. To our first time readers, don't think that this is how the Toukousphere normally is, and please come and read us on the next issue! I'll do
my best from now on, and everyone will return to being their proper characters too. However, I've learned a lot from just watching what everyone else did. I understood with all my being that the efforts I normally make are of no use, so from now on, I'll be redoubling on them so I can also contribute to the Toukousphere, no matter how little. The next issue will be published tomorrow, so I hope you all will come and enjoy our usual antics. Likewise, I hope this will also make possible the birth of further love and bonds between us all... For now, I'll part ways with you as I pray to the Trio of Elemia. So, until we meet again tomorrow!